I just called to say.....

9..4..4..7..2..3..1..3..0..0..
This was the 11th time that i dialled the number in my Nokia 6610 phone. I didnt allow it to ring even once. Every time i hung up before the first ring. I sat there looking at my phone, i wanted to make that phone call desperately. It was my best friend's number. My class mate for four years. The only friend i had, who stood with me through my bad times. My soul mate, the one person i loved more than anything in this world - Meenu. It is her marriage tomorrow.

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It was seven years ago when Meenu came into my life. It was the first day of our engineering college life. I had lived with my parents during my school days and this was my first experience living away from home. They dropped me at the hostel for the first years yesterday and went back to my native. My roommates were Jose and Deepak. Both were from the same town and friends during their school days. I felt like an outsider in the room. I was dejected to say the least. If this was the preview of what is coming in the next four years, i wanted to go back home that moment itself. I called home and cribbed to my mother for 30 minutes. She comforted me saying this will be alright in a few days.

I am going back home today after the class, i thought for myself. I sat there in the last bench along with Sony and Bineesh. Niyaz sir started with Electronic basics. Not on the first day, please... i cried mentally. I looked around and found the same expression in another face, she was Meenu. She had the most beautiful face i have ever seen. She was looking around in the class looking very bored. She looked straight at me and smiled. "Boring", she moved her lips without sounding. I smiled at her. That was the start of our friendship.

I never knew you could get to know a person so much. So close to another person's heart that when she smiles the whole world looks so colourful to you, when she cries you cannot the bear the pain, when she feels frightened you want to be her hero, to fight away all that is causing her fear. I never knew these before i met her. But in our four years of life together in college, i experienced this. We were inseperable. I loved her.

It was the day of our farewell, at the end of the four years of friendship, she was leaving tonight to her native. I sat there with her in railway station for her train to arrive. "Visakh, call me everyday. I dont know how i will survive without talking to you." Her train was arriving at the station. I felt the pain in my heart. I cannot let her go. I cannot live without seeing this pretty face. I cannot live without seeing this beautiful smile. I knew that moment that I love her. Yet i didnt do anything. I smiled at her. With tears in her eyes she waved at me from the train. If only i had the courage to tell her then that i loved her so much.

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"Visakh.. I did it... i got my VISA. I can now leave to US next week. All my hard work is finally paying off. I am going to achieve my dream." Wish i could share her excitement. She was going for a two year assignment She was rated as one of the top performers in her company. I was very happy with her success. But this news, even when i wanted to be happy for her, my heart couldnt bear this separation. "Hey, that is a great news. All the Best Meenu". "You will come to see me off right. I am leaving from Chennai on next sunday. I want to see you before going." "I will try Meenu". I knew this was a lie, i couldnt bear another good bye.

I could still mail her everyday, call her once in a while. I tried to comfort my heart. But i knew i wouldn't. She has a future of which i am no part of. I shouldn't be in way of her bright future. I shouldn't be the one who will cut the wings of her dream. I love you too much Meenu. I am gonna walk away from your life, forever.

I stood up from my chair and walked to the classroom. Next class was "Electronics Basics" to the first years. Students looking bored and smiling at each other. Making the start of their friendships. I smiled to myself.

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I opened the invitation letter. "Meenakshi weds Aravind". It had a note enclosed within that. "Visakh, Its been almost 2 years since we talked. Hope you are doing good. Still teaching at our college? Why you never replied to my mails. Did i do something wrong to hurt you? Please come for my marriage. You are my best friend. I want you to be there with me on this day." I sat there with the letter in my hand for 2 hours without moving. Tears rolled from my eyes. I love you Meenu. I love you so much.

I have to tell her. I have to let her know how i feel about her. 9447231300.. I dialled it for the 12th time. "Hello... Meenu here". I heard her voice with a slight American accent. "Hey Meenu..". There was a long silence at the other end. "Meenu, why are u silent. Its me Visakh." "Dont talk to me, I am cross with you. You call yourself my best friend. You dont reply to my mails. You dont even care whether i am alive or not. You dont even call me once even after getting my marriage invite. I am not talking to you." She was the Meenu i liked, my best friend, my love.

"Meenu, i am so sorry" I could hear her sobbing in the background. "Visakh sorry, i was so much frustrated. I really wanted to take my anger out on somebody. Thats when you called. You know me right." Yes i knew her. "Meenu, how are you?" "I am not good Visakh. I am so confused. How can i get married to someone whom i have only known for a month. Can i adjust with him. Will he be able to understand me. I wanted to marry someone who understands me, who loves me for who i am, who knew me like you do Visakh. Am i making the wrong decision?"

What i should say to her? Can i tell her that yes she is correct. She need to be with somebody who loves her. Who understands her like no one else - Me. But i couldnt. "Meenu dont be a fool. These are the feelings that goes through everyone's mind before making such a huge commitment. Everything will be alright. Dont think of such things now. You should get rest and be ready for tomorrow's function. Tomorrow is going to be the happiest day of your life. Get rest and everything will be alright tomorrow." We talked for over an hour. By the end, she was calm, relaxed and happy. "I am so happy you called Visakh. I dont know what i would have done without you, my best friend. You will be there tomorrow at my wedding right?" Best friend.. Yes i am her best friend... will remain her best friend all through my life...and as her best friend i needed to hide my feeling one more time... one more day.... I told her before keeping the phone down."Yes Meenu.. I will b there... in the front row... "