Men are from MARS, Women are from Venus? Indeed!
I had an interesting discussion about friendship with two good Venus friends. I told them about my personal funda on friendship.
3 stages of friendship
Stage 1. You meet someone. You love the guy/gal. They seem to be a cool person according to your defnition of cool. He/She is my friend. People who don't meet this critirea usually don't end up as friends.
Stage 2. You start seeing the negatives in them. Man! he/she is getting on my nerves. I hate that part/attitude/behavior of him/her. Some friendship ends there or gets limited to a hi/bye friendship in this stage.
Stage 3. If you reach stage 3, I have accepted him/her as my friend with the negatives. This friendship is going to last for a long time. There will be times i just hate him/her, but he/she will be my friend. At this stage the friendship is based on "Nishkama Karma" - i am not expecting anything in return for being your friend, helping you out, i want to be there for you no matter what! (I try - cant say i always do. :) I am human!).
This is my idea of friendship and is a funda which works for me. I usually add a disclaimer when i tell this to others - "Not sure if this is applicable to the ladies' mind". And both of my venus friends who heard this said, in their own arguments, nope it doesn't.
Its very difficult for girls to go from stage 2 to 3. For stage 3, girls will try to change their friend to a better person (according to them) and remove their negatives. Its difficult to accept the negatives and say my friend has these flaws in him. Stage 2 to 3 is not final for girls. Its an iterative process. Friends do move from stage 3 to 2 :) or may be there is no stage 3.
Nish Kama Karma -- very difficult to follow for Venus. Especially if it is a :-) girl - girl friendship.
Another thing for girls, if you are not in constant touch, friendship sort of dies off. Even if he/she is your best friend in college, if you haven't talked to them, its difficult for girls to continue the friendship when you meet them after years. I met one of my best buddies in Dubai after may be 6 years and we just continued from where we left off, in our college hostel years ago. For the same point i had an argument with my cousin. She was telling me Dil Chahta Hai is a stupid movie. How can you continue friendship after such a big fight and after so many years of not talking, by just calling and talking to him. I told her, because we are from MARS, you won't understand it Venus girl.
I hope this doesn't happen to Vini, that in 5-6 years all her friends are my friends and their wifes/husbands. I will hate to see that happen.
This is my funda, which works for me. If you disagree :) please let me know. I love to hear about it.
I had an interesting discussion about friendship with two good Venus friends. I told them about my personal funda on friendship.
3 stages of friendship
Stage 1. You meet someone. You love the guy/gal. They seem to be a cool person according to your defnition of cool. He/She is my friend. People who don't meet this critirea usually don't end up as friends.
Stage 2. You start seeing the negatives in them. Man! he/she is getting on my nerves. I hate that part/attitude/behavior of him/her. Some friendship ends there or gets limited to a hi/bye friendship in this stage.
Stage 3. If you reach stage 3, I have accepted him/her as my friend with the negatives. This friendship is going to last for a long time. There will be times i just hate him/her, but he/she will be my friend. At this stage the friendship is based on "Nishkama Karma" - i am not expecting anything in return for being your friend, helping you out, i want to be there for you no matter what! (I try - cant say i always do. :) I am human!).
This is my idea of friendship and is a funda which works for me. I usually add a disclaimer when i tell this to others - "Not sure if this is applicable to the ladies' mind". And both of my venus friends who heard this said, in their own arguments, nope it doesn't.
Its very difficult for girls to go from stage 2 to 3. For stage 3, girls will try to change their friend to a better person (according to them) and remove their negatives. Its difficult to accept the negatives and say my friend has these flaws in him. Stage 2 to 3 is not final for girls. Its an iterative process. Friends do move from stage 3 to 2 :) or may be there is no stage 3.
Nish Kama Karma -- very difficult to follow for Venus. Especially if it is a :-) girl - girl friendship.
Another thing for girls, if you are not in constant touch, friendship sort of dies off. Even if he/she is your best friend in college, if you haven't talked to them, its difficult for girls to continue the friendship when you meet them after years. I met one of my best buddies in Dubai after may be 6 years and we just continued from where we left off, in our college hostel years ago. For the same point i had an argument with my cousin. She was telling me Dil Chahta Hai is a stupid movie. How can you continue friendship after such a big fight and after so many years of not talking, by just calling and talking to him. I told her, because we are from MARS, you won't understand it Venus girl.
I hope this doesn't happen to Vini, that in 5-6 years all her friends are my friends and their wifes/husbands. I will hate to see that happen.
This is my funda, which works for me. If you disagree :) please let me know. I love to hear about it.
8 comments:
Hmmm interesting analysis !
Would like to add on to this Mars / Venus difference.
Girls REMEMBER details where as Guys do not !
So If there's been an instance that hurt a gal, she makes sure she takes every little detail of that to her grave.
This probably is another reason why the move to Stage3 is not easy for gals ;) .
Please do not call these as stupid thoughts...Come up with a better name..
Completely agree to your 'three stages of friendship' theory. But if women are from Venus, then I am from Andromeda (borrowed from a friend because I couldn't have said it better), I really cannot comment on the intricacies of a 'venusian' friendship. So I'll take your word for it.
You should probably hear it from the horse's mouth so to say. Check this post from a friend of mine regarding the fickleness of girls' friendships. BTW pretty good theorization :).
Agree with some part of it, but not all. The moment you try to change someone's character whether it is "trying to remove their negatives", you have established you dont like/accept the person the way they are. I personally hate it when someone tries to do that with me. Friends could always tell you, you are wrong about something but they dont/shouldnt stop you from being you.
And I wasnt sure about this meet-after-years thing until recently. But then I was able to talk to a friend from 4th grade when I met him last year like we have just split for a day.
So maybe everybody from Venus neednt be so pathetically Venusian :-)
-Cris, From the planet of Venus
At least Ms. Cris has agreed that there is something bad about being 'Venusian 'because she qualified 'Venusian' with 'pathetically'. :-). I knew this but Ms Cris confirmed it :-)
Sigh this is what happens when you try to be a peaceful humorist! (And this is what you say when someone gets the better of you!)
Well, I am a Venusian. I have a few girl-friends from college. I am not constantly in touch with them. But it was really noisy when we met last time after 3 years :) Time changed me a lot, but never the way I feel for those old friends. Its true that very few people remain in that list. Time adds lot of worries and responsibilities to a gal's mind compared to a boy. May be we girls forget to enjoy our life :)
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